tripping over my own laces : 02/28/2026
"oh hey. it's me again..."
"...i'm doing the, same shit."
y'know i don't typically write blogposts in the morning, but it's the weekend and i've got things on my mind.
what kinda things? i'm not actually sure. i just know i got them, and i gotta get them out.
i've been pretty exhausted lately, what with all the crazy happenings that have been going on in my life recently. all of its kinda manifested in a general exhaustion and demotivation to do a bunch of things.
"that kinda sounds like depression" i hear myself say, and yes! it probably is. i guess i'm not too worried, i've felt like this before and have actually felt worse in the past. i think i'm just a bit burnt out really, but unfortunately i ain't getting many moments to breathe.
this semester started out... pretty bad... failing three classes as i write this blogpost and i'm realizing now i should probably be doing the work for those classes i'm failing isntead of doing this.
too late! i've got some momentum going here, i'm not gonna let it go to waste.
school really just... sucks, a lot. it upsets me that i'm forced to be in such a shitty system honestly! but what else am i supposed to do? i was thinking about dropping out a little bit ago, but i'm realizing now that would probably just make things worse.
it's tough. i notice every time i do have days off from school, i'm not really... doing anything with said time. then that makes me imagine what it'd be like if EVERY day was a day off from school! i don't wanna sit around doing nothing forever! that's sounds so miserable.
but then i think, "i'd have freedom to do whatever i want! i can be who i want to be!" and it just complicates things more. would i really use that freedom to do what i want? or will i spend it all fossilizing in bed?
you would think i'd know myself well enough to know how to answer that question, but i really don't. i feel like i've reached a huge transitional period in my life where i have absolutely zero idea where life will lead me. really, it's almost felt like that my entire life! i barely even know myself, and at moments i know myself a little more, and at moments i have no idea who i even am.
life is a strange strange thing, but it's beautiful. it's brutal, it's messy, and it doesn't pull its punches.
but it's still the best thing to ever happen to me.