i gotta get my shit together : 03/21/2026
"These sweet instincts, ruin my life."
this past week was... pretty bad honestly. i skipped out on school again on tuesday and wednesday (they cancelled school on monday). this, of course, did not make my mom very happy. and in turn, she's started waking me up at 5 AM and making sure i make it out the door on time.
i feel like a lot of things have been falling apart recently. more often than not, i feel pretty shitty. it sucks because a lot of the time i don't even know why i feel so terrible! one second i could be feeling at least a little pleasant, and then the next i feel like doing nothing but crying and sleeping!
i've got so much on my mind right now and a lot of it hurts to think about. i don't have many people in my life i can talk to about any of this shit unfortunately, so here i sit, pouring my guts out into this blogpost.
writing my thoughts out does make me feel a bit better at least, but something like this can only go so far before it stops helping all that much. i wish i didn't have to feel this way. i wish so dearly i could feel the way i felt just a few months ago. i keep wishing, and wishing, and wishing, but none of my wishes have come true. not yet at least.
it might be a while before just one of them is granted to me.
love... again
that didn't last all that long, but that's okay.
two days ago, me and my girlfriend broke up. things are still okay between us though, we both just agreed that neither of us were ready to jump into something like that again yet.
we've both been through rough shit, and we both still need some time to recover. and that's okay. i don't feel upset or sad or anything about this, i'm just glad things are still okay and didn't end badly.
sometimes i think; all the things i've been feeling are all because of love. the pain of separating from someone i cared about so deeply is what's been tearing into me this entire time.
i know all of it's already passed, and there's nothing i can do to take any of it back, but i can't stop myself from thinking about it. i can't help but still be in so much pain.
it almost seems ridiculous and irrational if i think about it long enough, but i still understand it. when a wound opens, it hurts, a lot. then, it keeps hurting for a long time after. and even after the pain's all gone, and the wound has closed up, there's still a chance that it leaves behind scars.
it stops hurting, but you don't ever forget what it felt like when it did hurt. i'm not sure i want to keep being reminded of what i've gone through, but i don't think that's really something i get a say in.
love is hard, i wish it wasn't though.
on another note
i've had my snowsky echo mini for almost 3 months at this point, and i can say with confidence that i don't regret buying it.
it's nice to have a dedicated device for listening to music. it takes listening to music into something you do while doing something else, and turns it into something you just, do.
before, i never used to understand how people could just sit around, and listen to music without also doing something else, but ever since i got my echo mini i completely get it.
there's something so "real" about just, focusing on a song... and really taking in all the details and aspects of it.
i've heard the sentiment thrown around that shit like this is "performative" or whatever, and like- fuckin' sure but why does that matter. i'm enjoying myself despite the fact that i could easily just listen to music on my phone.
anywho, just a couple days ago, i found out that it's possible to create custom interface themes for the echo mini (something you can't do normally). and like, of fuckin' course i'm gonna get in on this? so i've been working on a custom theme since the day i found out about them.
it's based off of UNBEATABLE's arcade mode interface which i immediately fell in love with as soon as i saw it when i played the game's demo like... kind of a while ago now (just counted, it's been about 7 months. yikes!).
in fact, the weekly score cards seen in each of these weekly blogposts are also inspiried by the arcade mode visuals. there's just something about them that just vomit personality and i love it so much. i've always loved graphic design, and the arcade mode UI hits my brain perfectly.
the custom theme will take a little while longer to complete, but i hope to eventually get it done. and maybe i'll even share it around so [the probably negative amount of] echo mini owners reading this blogpost right now can snag it for themselves!
WORK IN PROGRESS (duh!)