i wish they'd understand : 03/25/2026

that's not really helpful is it?

things have been rough, and they only seem to keep getting worse. just as i thought i was getting a little better, my mom decides she needs to help me. this would be fine if her methods didn't fucking suck. threatening my privacy and recently threatening to take away the only thing that i really have left right now, my computer.

i can't even begin to comprehend how any of her ideas come across as "good" to her. any reasonable person would think "jesus christ that lady is cruel." and, i would consider myself to be a pretty reasonable person.

before she started all of this shit i was really considering talking to her, just to clear my mind and get some shit off my chest but now i don't even wanna look at her. she makes me angry and just the sound of her voice yelling at me through my bedroom door makes me fucking sick.

i know the only way i can get her to stop and understand is to talk to her, but it's just so difficult. she's getting mad, at me, for not talking to her, and then she goes and yells, and gets angry, and all this other bullshit which... y'know, isn't exactly the most friendly or approachable kind of behavior ever.

it's fucking exhausting, it's so so so tiring and i wish she would just take a fucking second to reflect on what she's saying and what she's doing. it's not helping, it's only making things worse. and i wish she would just understand that.

at this point, i don't even think it matters what i tell her, she's just gonna get upset and yell out some bullshit excuse or something. i fucking hate having to listen to her, it's irritating.

and just my luck, my school begins to get involved, putting on a little act, pretending like they give a shit. i see right through them, i know they don't actually care, none of them are paid enough to actually care. it's just that they'll get in trouble if they don't "care".

"ohhh we concerned!" fuck off dude you're the fucking issue. i don't wanna go to school, i don't even wanna think about it. throughout my entire life, most of my grief has come from school. it's not a place i want to be, and it's not a place i ever gave a shit about.

one of these days, i'm gonna yell louder than i've ever yelled in my entire life. i'll release every last drop of pain i've locked away for the entire time i've been alive. all of that emotion will echo throughout the halls of the universe, ripping apart the fibers that give it shape, shattering it's mirrors i see myself reflected in.

maybe only then they'd understand.

and if they don't, then they never will.