really not feelin' it : 04/19/2026

i'm always wishing for things

well okay, that didn't go so smoothly.

this past week wasn't terrible i guess? but something about it definitely wasn't good.

i'm starting to feel stuck again. i can barely remember what all that happened this week, none of it was memorable and it feels like nothing is happening.

i still haven't felt good enough to even want to look at all the schoolwork i have yet to catch up on! i feel like i just need a huge break from all my responsibilities... just for a moment.

i'm never given much time to sit down and heal or feel better about shit. the only thing i've been doing for a while now, is wishing.

just, wishing y'know? wishing for things to get better, for me to feel better, and so so many other things! maybe someday one of these wishes will come true. or maybe i'll get monkey's paw-ed and one of my wishes comes with a terrible side-effect.

really, all i want is to feel better about... kinda just everything? i have this aching feeling all the goddamn time now. an ache for things to get better.

i'm not sure if waiting til' things brighten up is the way to roll. but i also don't know if i'm supposed to do something about all this. so i'm kinda forced to sit around and wait, cause i don't know what the fuck i'm doing! i don't even know what i'm waiting for! i give a shit about what happens i just want to feel better!!!

i haven't felt like this in a pretty long time honestly, i forgot how much this shit hurts dude! i know i have so much to do, and i know how to do most of it, but no matter how hard i think about it i can't ever pick up enough motivation to do any of it!

i HATE HATE HATE how i can't do anything!!! i can't barely even feel like indulging in my hobbies anymore. it sucks, this sucks, everything sucks!

i wish, i wish, i wish... that's all i ever fuckin' say anymore. but i don't think i'll ever stop. there's too much shit that i want, but there's not enough of anything in the whole universe that could give me all of it!

this sucks... like, a lot. but i've been through so much already! my entire life i've fought tooth and nail to become who i am today, and i wont let this be the thing that takes me out! it ain't got shit against me!

you'll be alright. keep your chin up.