late night pondering : 06/01/2026

i let my brain roam free too often

a bit of a random nighttime post, but hey. sometimes a girl's gotta write some shit down y'know?

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. thinking about everything that's happened to me in just this year alone.

i've been through so much. life's knocked me off my feet, hard, and i've been struggling to get back up. usually i'm able to dust myself off but, something's different about this time. something about this time hurts more than it ever has before.

my hands and knees, torn up on the concrete. the wind knocked out of my chest. my senses, partially disoriented.

and that little kick of adrenaline you get after falling over.

but no matter what i do, no matter how i try to change the way i think. i just can't seem to get up and fight back, not this time.

...not right now at least.

i like to believe i'm a strong person. a person with strong beliefs, strong morals, and strong willpower. i try to keep my chin up, see the postives in things, and help other people see them too. i think everybody should aim to be that way as well, at least a little bit.

hell, even just having someone like that in your life is better than nothing. i like to be that someone. it always makes me sad whenever i see my friends upset, or sad, or angry, or just struggling in general.

it never feels fair, i want them all to be happy. they're good people, people i care about, they don't deserve to be treated so terribly.

i want to help my friends, and everyone else i care about, and i guess i do okay at it sometimes. but as it stands right now, i myself, am not in the best place ever. and if i seek to help people to the degree that i want to, i'm probably gonna have to start by helping myself too.

ok i'm running out of energy to keep writing goodnight happy faggot month... hold on am i allowed to say that? i host this site on nekoweb as well as github am i allowed to say faggot on nekoweb... hold on.... uhmm bepbepebpebppptthhp... welllll uhhh- okaayyy, it doesn't look like there's anything that says no slurs so...

HAPPY FAGGOT MONTH!!!

goodnight i'm tired