always so anxious : 06/22/2026

...and for what?

today wasn't the best, i'll admit, and it's not even over yet. i've been feeling pretty good lately so feeling like shit all day stung a bit more than usual.

i'm not even sure why i'm feeling this way! nothing even really happened. though, i guess whenever i feel like this it's almost always irrational. there's no rhyme or reason for any of it, sometimes i just get too into my own head and end up worrying over nothing.

no matter what i try i just can't get myself to properly settle down. not until hours and hours later at least. i seem to get this way whenever my friends are upset, or sad, or anything like that.

of course, it's okay to worry. it's okay to care about people like that. but maybe i care... too much? i hate to see people i care about feeling bad, it hurts! but why does it hurt? should it hurt?

i've been through so much in just the last seven months. i lost someone i cared a lot about, i left behind a bunch of friends, then i started chitchatting with some new friends, and some other stuffs happened too. maybe i'm just worried i'll lose more people i care about.

but i'm sick to death of losing things! i'm tired of hurting people on accident! i just feel like... sometimes i'm too careful i guess. i get anxious whenever i feel like i said something weird, or did something wrong. even though, whenever i feel that way, there's a part of me, trying to tell me something.

she tells me that i'm overthinking things, that i'm worrying too much, she tells me that i'll be okay.

and i hear her, loud and clear.

i want to listen to her, i try really hard to! but it's just so goddamn difficult for some reason!!!

i hate it!!! i hate knowing that things are fine, but not being able to actually feel that way! it makes me sick. it makes my stomach hurt and it makes me wanna throw up.

i've been working on it though. i think i've been doing better at listening to myself, but it hasn't been easy.

on another note

sorry about the lack of weekly website updates lately! i've been feeling particularly lazy and didn't think they were the highest priority at the moment.

i might do one at the end of this week though so stay tuned i guess!

thanks for reading.