a carton of one dozen brains : 08/05/2026

cage-free, a bit rotten

well i guess i was wrong about what i said in the last blogpost. things did end up working out.

we've been dating for just a little over a week now. it feels nice having someone like that around. my moods been pretty alright too lately, that's nice.

but i guess in the last day or two my anxiety's been eating at me a little more than usual. i keep overthinking things, worrying too much about super mundane shit, and overall just stressing for no reason.

i guess maybe i'm just scared. scared of hurting her (them? theres more than one... i never thought to ask.... goddamnit).

i think i'm terrified of upsetting someone i care so much about again. the last time that happend i felt worse than i ever had in my entire life. i don't wanna feel like that again. not fun.

it's ridiculous, really. everytime i feel like i've fucked up or something, it turns out that everything's fine and i was literally just stressing myself out for no reason!!! i wish i didn't have to be so anxious all the time. i wish i could just be confident that things are okay. and a part of me knows that they're okay! but i can't seem to get my shit together enough to trust her.

i try and try and try so hard to listen to what i'm telling myself, but my anxiety and fear get the best of me, and i end up feeling sick.

i mean- hell same fucking reason i'm writing a blogpost about this shit instead of just telling her how it is! it's not like i don't trust her enough, it's not like i don't feel like i can talk to her about important things like this. it's just that i'm worried! i'm worried i'm being a nusiance, annoying, a burden! even though i hear that piece of me, smacking the back of my head and yelling in my ear: "DUMBASS!!!"

iunno. i guess it's still nice to get my emotions out here too. it's a bit silly to write a blogpost and then just wait for the day that she reads this instead of just talking to her directly but. i'm still feeling a bit anxious so this'll have to do for now.

goodnight. thanks for reading