11/17/24
shit sucks
recently i've been thinking a lot about the future, school, and other shit like that.
i don't like thinking about those things. it makes me upset. maybe i'm afraid or something but i don't care. all i know is that my future is uncertain, and i really don't have time to think about it when i have so many issues to handle in the present.
there's so much that happens all at once in this point of life that it gets overwhelming. it's like juggling a fishing net. everything is connected into one giant messy, congruent mass, and you can't actually juggle it. the only thing you can do is attempt to do so, and maybe get something that even slightly resembles juggling.
everytime i think of or hear someone say the word "college" i get so unbelieveably upset. it doesn't even make sense for that to happen, i already made my final decision on that a while ago. i won't be going to college, because i'm not mentally fit for it or whatever it entails.
i'm not worried about disappointing anyone either, i don't care if people are disappointed if i don't ever go to college. i'd rather not sacrifice my health just to please people, even if it's my family.
i understand that thinking about the future is a good thing to do, but i need to work on fixing up the present or else i won't have a future to thing about. not a good one at least.
other things
things haven't been very interesting recently. just the same shit everyday. that's okay i guess, but i'd like my life to be at least a little more interesting.
i hate the people i hang out with at school. they both suck, big time.
i've come to the realization that i don't actually have anyone i hang out with in-person that i can consider a "friend".
i wish i had some new ones, y'know? you can only go so far with good friends you know online. i'm not very good at putting myself out there, and the chumps i hang out with now have attached themselves to me like parasites. a few years ago i tried distancing myself from them but i couldn't get them off my ass. i suppose im stuck with them for the rest of my years at school.
i guess that's something nice to look forward to. graduating and getting those two off my back forever. well idk probably not forever, i might see them out and about but i don't care, better than having to see and deal with them everyday.
iunno, life's been kicking my ass recently but i know things will get better. and if things dont get better? then that's as good as things get, and that's okay.